do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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