I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
