haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
