omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
