just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
