I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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