Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My pussy is not your playground.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Randomize
