my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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