so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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