Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
