it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont lie about slip and slides
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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