I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I woke up under a house in Key West
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
