Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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