Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
