dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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