wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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