the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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