homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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