Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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