Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
