i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
