Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize