just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
