"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
