I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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