you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
