I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
