checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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