Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
