wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
