He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
