She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
