Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
