You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
