dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
did you just send me my own nude
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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