Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
