i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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