Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
