They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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