I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
