I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
