I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
