you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
