Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
