apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
