I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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