He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vagina is talking i cant
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize