I puked a lego.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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