I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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