Please, let me fuck your mom
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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