I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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