Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
