***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
