dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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