I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
