how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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