I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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