took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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