i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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