New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
