Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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