he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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