I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
