We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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