Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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