Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
