coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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