Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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