well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The beers last night were like the tears from god
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
